Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
~I Corinthians 13: 4-7
Although I read and am fond of the Bible, you won't find me quoting said piece of literature very often. However, the first book of Corinthians is one of my all-time go to's when I get depressed about my past romantic relationships.
Welcome to my new blog. In past online journals, I have always sought to find the error of others and seldom myself. Sometimes I was unduly hard on myself, clubbing around as if I were an infant seal. Both sides of this coin were unproductive.
I am a soul searching woman. I am a true romantic. I am on a life pursuit of that which my heart most desires... a true lifetime partner. In my humble experience, I feel that our societal standards are changing. Our willingness to be honest and true to ourselves and our nature and forthcoming to those we chose to bring into our perception of reality is slight. I feel like being a human isn't cool.
Well, I want to be a human. I want to be a human that gives and receives love openly and freely. I want to ditch the strings that society tells us should be attached... and figure out how on Earth to straighten my act out! Mostly, I want to understand what I have to offer and what it is that I need and want to in another human being to share in this reality. Yes. That's right. Finding someone to meander through the ups and downs of every day has always been one of my earnest motivations.
I figured the best way to start fresh on this new journey is to set the stage. LOVE has to be defined. And since philosophically and psychologically love escapes a solid definition as to what it IS, I would look to my favorite verses to what it is not.
"Love is patient, love is kind."
It was an evening just like any other, but I was at my wit's end because of some forgettable nuisance or another. After weeks and weeks and weeks of telling my child why we try to keep our showering time to the minimum - i.e. saving water and thus the water bill - I realized that he had been in his evening shower routine for far too long. I stomped up the stairs, pulled him out of the shower and proceeded to yell at him, followed by a swat on the tookis. My actions were not out of love. My actions were out of frustrations piled atop of aggravations. Now, because my love for him is deeper than any ocean, I later apologized and let him know why I did what I did. I also allegorized, again, why we take productive showers. All of this meant nothing until I forgave myself of my actions.
He still takes long showers. And I still tell him that the planet, although 70% water, does not have an endless supply of fresh water... and if he keeps taking 45 minute showers, eventually he will be bathing in reused sewer water... What I have discovered is that if he has something special to look forward to AFTER his shower (like a few minutes of TV or video game time), the time he spends in his mecca can be cut by 40 minutes or so. That is acting out of love. Showing patience and kindness and a desire to compromise, is love.
"It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
I was recently in a relationship where the other half was always sitting close to the red-line. One day, he would be totally enamoured by something I would do, and the next entirely affronted by the exact same action. Every single time that I felt his actions were out of control, unwarranted, rude or self-seeking, I made mental note. I held my hurt feelings against him and not my heart. I was angry with him most of the time. I was angry with myself. The wrongs piled up in my head and eventually outweighed the love in my heart. The relationship toppled. I acted, not out of love, but out of anger and resentment.
"... Truth."
The truth! The truth is hard to find these days, have you noticed? I recently joined this online community dedicated to finding me my perfect match. What I found, instead, was a lot of hot air. I went on a few dates with a few of these men... well... what they boasted about on their profile wasn't anywhere close to what they were actually like. Of course you want to put your best foot forward. And of course you're not going to verbally vomit your flaws. But why not be yourself? It's hard to live up to what you lay out if you aren't entirely honest.
"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Love can be described as a feeling. But I think that love is action. If you are always (or at least mostly) acting out of love... it will protect, the trust will be there, hopes and dreams will soar, and it will always persevere. Always.
My measuring stick will now be action....
Pamela, you are every day growing to be my hero. You are inspiring, open hearted and open minded. I find myself thinking all the time about just those ideas you put to words.
ReplyDeleteI also have become complacent to being just barely human. My daily actions are mundane, repetitive and simply dis-enchanting.
For those I love and care for, I feel most of the time, these actions are warranted because of my love for them. Putting myself last has become a mainstay and my friend mentioned to me tonight that this needs to change.
It matters not to me where you find the words, whether they are from the bible, a movie, a poet or a song, yet if they lift me out of my dreary day, I thank you!
Maybe I should start a blog too. :)