Dreams of Love...

It was cold, I could feel it.  Most likely due to the open windows blowing the fall air in on my lifeless bag of bones.... It was dim, at first I thought it was candle light.  When my eyes adjusted he was sitting on a wicker couch, cushions long stored for the winter.  I had no idea where I was at I just knew I was outside... never seen it before. There was snow everywhere.... and snow falling every once in a while.  But when I looked up I could see the stars.   He was talking to me, telling me about his day.  Occasionally he would pause and call me a pretty lady, that's what he used to call me.... it wasn't special or unique... that's what he calls most beautiful women.  He had the raspy "Big Daddy" voice going... like he always did when he was tired or when he was sick.  I remember fighting every urge to go and sit next to him and just squeeze him.  Rory showed up and acted like nothing was unusual... and all of this was so strange to me... I didn't understand how that little boy could be so jovial and lighthearted considering the setting.  Rory gave his loves to him and went and played... I finally figured out the lighting - he was playing under a well lit Christmas Tree... no ornaments, just millions of bright little white lights and a big luminous star on top.  When I looked back to him, he was right in front of me.  He told me he missed me and he was sorry.  He was crying.  He said he wanted to curl up under the Christmas Tree with Rory and I and be a family for a little while.  I remember telling him it was way too cold, we would freeze and die.  Just then, my mom showed up with these big soft white fleece blankets and fluffy pillows.  She said it would be good for me, she always loved laying under the Christmas Tree.  She set her load down, hugged me and walked away.  I looked back to him and he was right in my face.  He grabbed me around my waist, pulled me close, kissed me, then picked me up in his arms and started walking towards the tree.

Then I woke up.... damn alarm.

I woke up in tears with a longing in my belly for something real... and disappointed... and a bit depressed.  Mostly, I want to know what my subconscious is trying to tell me.