Travelling the speed of light...

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

by e e cummings

I love e e cummings mostly because he just puts his thoughts to paper.  He didn't typically use punctuation or capitalization.  He just let er rip.  He didn't give two pence what the rules were or what people thought.  He let his words and thoughts be what they were.  It's impressive to say the least.  Which got me to thinking about a few things the last few days. 

First of, confinement.  Those rules that society, culture and other infiltrators place on us every single day of our lives.  We think this way because societal norms tell us to.  We want these things because every other Joe Blow wants them.  We are no longer able to grasp concepts with the vision of childhood.  Children haven't learned all of these confinements yet; we teach them, pass them down from one generation to another... picking up new ones along the way.  So the blank slate that beautiful babes are born with eventually become filled - just like mine currently is - with crazy rules that stifle the way we dress to the way we talk and think and most peculiar - love.

What if we ONLY taught our children the golden rule - do unto others... Could you imagine the explosion of creativity and thought and love?

Okay - I'm going out on a limb.  I recently read an article about genetics/ DNA and RNA and how science is doing fabulous things mapping out the specific arms of genes and how they are the road maps that determine our eye color, body shape even some personality and behavior.  But there is still a bunch they do not know... there is a lot of matter they have no idea what the use of it would be.  They have determined that it is possibly the recessive characteristics that we do not follow.  So when our cells continually reconstruct themselves, they use the same pattern over and over again.  A child born with a genetic liver condition will always have that liver condition - because the cells know no other way.

I also recently read an article that stated that a simple change of mind could have us taking different paths on our road map to life.  The power of our minds is not fully understood.  I try everyday to reprogram my master computer as I see fit.  Why is it that I believe it only works some of the time or for certain occasions?  What if, with simple thoughts, we could change our eye color.... WHAT???  And why would I think it was crazy to assume that we could possibly activate our recessive genes in order to work for us?  (And how many of you are reading this thinking I've lost my marbles.) 

Don't pretend like you've never had a far out and odd thought.  Might I suggest you tell someone about it.  I just did - and it is quite liberating.

Now, Mr. Cummings not using proper punctuation also makes me think about individuality.  While he is writing with his own unique style he tells a story about how the love of his life is always near.  If not in person, he carries her with him via her essence; her heart.  Most contradictory to the standard Webster dictionary entries of individual. 

I've been having some great email conversations with a dear friend lately.  They are very spiritual in nature with an extreme mete out style.  She has shared a great deal about her own personal experiences that reflect my very own.  And having lived  a parallel existence, has some amazing words of wisdom.  But she's not the only one lifting me up these days.

It's nice to know that individuality and dependence can co-exist proven by my fellow humans sharing their life experiences with me.  It's a simple thought: I want you in my life but I don't need you.  I need you in my life because you lift me up (not hold me down.)

I've always felt that I needed to have my own identity but could never balance that identity with my desire to share my life with another.  It could be as simple as not having the right person in my life.  It could be that I wasn't emotionally or mentally mature enough to fully understand the sovereign nature of the matter.  Regardless, here I am.  And I feel like things are falling into place for once.  Hard as it is sometimes, I've contracted this "It is what it is" attitude.  It hides from me occasionally when I become unsure of myself, or when I feel like my head is going to spin off from all of these changes pulling out my insecurities and doubt that I can do this.  But it's getting much easier.

I read this cummings poem last weekend.  I instantly thought back to it in a flash yesterday... I sent word out via text that my sis-in law was at the hospital with baby shortly to follow.  I got one back that said - Wish I was there.  Ugh.  Heart in my throat, fluttery butterflies, and true faith that whatever trip I'm on - I just might be using the right road map these days.  Even though he wasn't present physically, he was present... I was carrying his heart, and he mine.