This morning I did my hair and my makeup… I loved how soft,
sensuous and bouncy my curls came out.
And then my warpaint laid down on my skin today like it was meant to be
there. One final look in the mirror
before heading out to herd cats, and I was stunned as to what was reflected back
to me as Coldplay’s “Magic” played over the big speaker - not the typical findings on my shuffle. A soft, sweet, slightly spicy… luscious and
divine creature. Interesting and
fun. Smart yet humble. Heartbroken yet healing.
Call it magic…
The End is Present in the Beginning…
The acorn theory says that the entirety of the Oak tree is
present in the acorn. My entire life was
present in the embryo.
When I think back to dreams, aspirations and visions I’ve
had for myself since I could remember… I know without doubt, that I’ve been
coded to love.
It was an odd moment for me this morning. I usually have complaints. But today was different.
Odd, because I’ve recently met someone that has reflected
back to me things that I know are there in my mirror, but I often ignore or
criticize.
I feel like we all need a nudge from time to time, and boy
have I received it….
I told him about something I found interesting and wanted to
experience in my future. He instantly
downloaded a book with all the information…
All of my children fell ill at some point this week, but particularly Tuesday. We had planned to hang out before he headed out to a completely different state for several weeks. And the most peculiar thing happened. He wasn’t mad. He didn’t yell. He didn’t blow me off for spending what should have been OUR time to take my munchkins to the urgent care. Instead, he showed up at my doorstep with a dozen roses and a box of the most divine Japanese chocolates. My heart skipped a few beats. There was no guilt. He didn’t force or beg. He just didn’t want to my entire day to be stress…
The peeping eyes of my children and their sickly palates covered
in chocolate are rooting for this guy.
In the first weekend of February, my children and I went to
a local Chinese Lunar Festival. We sat
to watch the Lion Dance, a tradition to banish all of the negative energy of
years prior to make a clean slate for the new year to arrive. As I sat and watched with bewilderment… drums
so loud, I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts, pounding so hard I could feel the
beat in my bones. My kiddos and I
watched in amazement as the lions preformed feats of theatrics and acrobatics.
We loved every minute of it. And in that
moment I felt the rush of new, positive energy flood my landscape.
Since that moment, I have felt very thoughtful and
intentional.
Looking back now, it feels a little like the universe was
sweeping the stage. The lion dance clearing away the dust of old seasons… the
acorn quietly holding the blueprint for what comes next… and somewhere out
there, a red thread stretching patiently through time, waiting for the right
moment to pull two wandering people into the same room.
The next weekend, I met up with one of my best gal pals for a
“Galentines” day celebration. I was
reunited with new and old friends while making a quaint little art piece. Drinking a fancy Raspberry Chocolate cocktail,
we discussed woo-woo sorts of things… just as wild women should. A mutual acquaintance that sees the world a
bit differently, as I do, was concerned with my absolute denial of dating
apps. I explained that I’d rather meet
someone organically… except I never do anything cool but work and work and mom
hard. By the end of the evening Corey
had me convinced that I should try… and so I did… half-heartedly. I didn’t fill out the entire profile. I threw up some really dumb pictures. Before I knew it, I had 397 emails from
gentlemen that thought I must be the bee’s knees.
I responded to some of the emails so heinously, that I
thought for sure I’d become the crazy cat lady before next year. I asked one dude if we were on the titanic,
would he be a “Women and Children” first kind of guy… or would he be paddling
away on a door singing Celine Dion songs?
Not kidding.
I did make friends with this one guy who is an honest to God
wedding singer.
And I did accept this one guy’s offer for a quick coffee
meet up. Something in me told me it
would be okay.
The man showed up with flowers and chocolate… That’s not
normal, right? I mean, I haven’t REALLY
dated that much… not really. I figured
he was a try-hard and instantly became suspicious. But then we talked… a lot… even closed down
the café.
That weekend after meeting, he came and picked me up… took
me to an amazing restaurant… then we walked around and talked. If you had been a fly on the wall listening
in, you wouldn’t have guessed that we just met. The conversation was deep and
soulful… like talking to someone you’ve known for years.
Then… I went to dinner at his place… with friends and family…
all in the first week. He cooked an amazing meal.
This connection has an ease to it that is one of the most
comfortable things I have ever been a part of.
And while it seems ridiculous to say at the very beginning… the acorn
knows.
He told me that it's really easy to be sweet to me... Dang it. I always thought so...
My question for the last few weeks has been, what is too
fast or slow?
When do I allow myself to just trust the flow?
How do I keep my brain from overthinking this whole thing?
Over winter break, when I was alone one night… I startled
from my slumber… a dream that had me believing the thread that was tied to one
of my toes had come undone because I could not feel the tension on it
anymore. Straight up out of bed, I woke
in a panic.
The ancient Chinese believed that an invisible red thread
connects the people who are destined to meet. It is tied by the gods, binding
two souls long before they ever cross paths.
The thread may stretch across years.
It may tangle itself through heartbreak, bad timing, wrong
turns, and long lonely seasons.
But it never breaks.
In the earliest versions of the story, the thread is tied
around the ankles of two people. In modern tellings, it is tied to the pinky
fingers. Either way, the idea is the same: certain people are meant to
encounter each other.
No matter how far they wander.
No matter how long it takes.
Maybe the tension faded because the thread was no longer
tangled and taut. Maybe the other end is
closer than it ever has been…
I don’t know if it’s anything more than friends. What I do know is that I feel like I’m
standing on the threshold of something that will change the trajectory of my
life. Maybe it just pulls me up and out
of whatever this life has been lately. Maybe
it’s one of the coolest friendships I’ve ever had. Maybe it’s the start of
something totally new. Another human
being willing to slow down with me, not force me to react to every pebble in
the road...
Maybe the acorn already knows the oak tree it will become.
And maybe the thread already knows where it leads.
For now, all I know is that I have a bounce in my step and
I’m laughing a lot more lately.
My shoulders have dropped and my breathing is deep and
relaxing.
And that, my friends, is pure gold.
