Why, Hello Sophia!

Carl Jung proposed that we move through archetypal patterns… symbolic energies that shape how we experience ourselves and the world. These archetypes are not fixed identities, but states we live in and out of over the course of our lives. These theories have been used for decades… even down to the divination cards I use on the titled, “The Wild Unknown Archetypes,” by Kim Krans.

Then comes Erich Neumann who expanded on Jung’s ideas, outlining symbolic stages of feminine psychological development. While these are not lab tested maps, they have become working metaphors for a woman’s working psychological evolution.    

I’ve had a chance to dive into this deeper over the last several months… pulling information from my dad’s old dusty “Psychology Today” text book and even several of my own from my time at the big kid school.  You won’t find much… It’s almost as if the patriarchy was in charge of the information relayed to society.  You have to dive deeper…

The framework is as follows:

Eve Stage – A woman will center her identity on relationship to survival, belonging, sexuality, attachment, and will largely identify herself through her partner bonds.

Helen Stage – Named after Helen of Troy, this stage is the awakening of personal attractiveness, autonomy and power.  Here, her identity will shift from, “I belong!” to “I affect!”  This identity is still strongly tied to how one is perceived.

Mary Stage - Inspired by the Virgin Mary, this stage of feminine identity corresponds with sublimating personal desire with acts of service, moral purpose and higher calling.  It is the spiritualized feminine. 

Sophia Stage – Sophia means “Wisdom” in Greek.  In Jungian archetypal symbolism, she is divine feminine consciousness.  She is not naïve, seductive or self-sacrificing.  She is inwardly grounded, self-knowing and self-actualizing. She does not split her sexuality from her spirituality. She does not abandon herself to secure love. She does not weaponize independence. She can desire without needing.

These aren’t ladders we climb and leave behind. They’re lenses. We move in and out of them depending on love, loss, ambition, motherhood, heartbreak, healing.

I’ve been contemplating where I fall on this unofficial map.  I don’t know that I am fully in my Sophia identity. I still feel the pull of Eve’s longing, Helen’s sparkle, Mary’s devotion. They haven’t disappeared. They’ve just grown quieter. What feels different is that I can see them now. I can choose when they speak.

If Eve is “I belong to someone,”
and Helen is “I am desired,”
and Mary is “I serve something higher,”
Sophia is “I know who I am.”

Where am I today?

It’s been interesting to lay these over the top of my life thus far and see how I have moved in and out of Eve, Helen and Mary at various times. 

Here’s some truth… When I set the intentions that I plan to live my life by this year, I had no desperation. What I truly wanted for myself this year was to experience this life, fully, knowing that I don’t “need” anyone… Just to enjoy the beauty of myself.  To love myself unconditionally.  To know that I am held in this life through love by others and that love has a funny way of finding me… new and old stories… family and friends… Mostly, my mission was to define my identity on my own.  Not tied to a single soul. Allowing myself to understand that love is an underlying current in my life took the pressure off and has allowed me to calm my nervous system, moving forward in confidence.

So when someone asks me, “What do you do?”  My heart beats slow, but hard in my chest (you can feel it,)  as I say “I am an elementary school art teacher and mother to four glorious babies.”  But my identity is more than that today.

When I look back over my life, my ability to travel through these archetypes, my willingness to over-perform to win the appreciation of others (received or not) is why I have this amazing list of experiences I’ve had in my life.  My life has been truly exceptional and blessed. I stand tall today able to hand you a list as long as Santa’s of cool things I have done, things I have accomplished, places I’ve been, people I know, things I do…

Yet I find myself in this liminal space unwilling to perform for others anymore. It scares me a bit. If I am no longer striving to be chosen or applauded, will I still chase the mountains? Will I still gather exceptional experiences? Can desire rooted only in personal meaning carry me through the rest of my life?

This doesn’t mean I’ve mastered anything. Some days I still catch myself reaching for applause. Some days I want to be chosen. The difference is that I notice it. And noticing feels like the beginning of wisdom.

What I understand of the Sophia stage is that a woman in this archetypal identity is not closed to love nor armored.  She is specific, yet open.  She is very precise as to who her door opens for.

A suitor of this woman in her Sophia stage, will not find the key through pursuit or performance, but the ability to meet her at this level.  Someone who has done his own emotional work and carries his own direction and sense of meaning without expecting her to provide these things for him. 

In essence, I have longed to be in this stage for most of my life.  When I look at love through MY lens, I have always seen it as two people, not necessarily standing together, but each as a pillar standing on their own working together, but separately to maintain the structure of life.  To share the load of living. To see the sunrise each day together, but to allow each to find the meaning of it within themselves.

When I pull archetype cards, one that has always stirred something in me is The Crone. In Kim Krans’ interpretation, she represents deep, earned wisdom… the woman who has lived, loved, lost, burned, and emerged sovereign.

I don’t believe I am The Crone. Not yet. But I recognize her. I recognize the pull toward her steadiness. Toward her refusal to perform. Toward her quiet knowing.

Perhaps Sophia and the Crone are not destinations, but invitations. Not titles to claim, but directions to walk toward.  Not a woman who needs less love, but one who needs less proof.